"Lucy, you got some splanin to do"
Not too long ago a sailor from the USS Kitty Hawk beat to death a 59 year old Japanese national. Splanin wasn't the half of it. The entire Yokosuka chain of command had to formally appologize not only to the Japanese National Government but also to the city of Yokosuka, and perhaps most awfully, to the family of the deceased - at the funeral.
Through this happy little story we learned three important facts. One, the Japanese believe that a man's superiors bear part of the burden for his actions. Two, they believe an apology does much to mend even the most greivous wounds. Three, you do not ever want to make the U.S. Government appologize for your actions.
Understood? Good
We then heard from the chaplains at the Chapel of Hope, our base religious center which brags that it serves members of "12" different faiths, Buddhist, Jewish and every form of Christianity known to man. What no Muslims? you ask. Maybe there aren't any Muslims in the Navy. What do I know? The Hindu's are tragically underrepresented as well.
Later, we heard from the most charming, personable, funny defence attorney I have ever met. (Heather, you would have loved him. His snark was glorious) He taught us two very important rules for living overseas.
1. "Don't break the law"
2. "If you do break the law, don't tell anyone."
Following that revelation, we heard from the other side of the courtroom, - your friendly neighborhood prosecutor. She revealed some chilling facts about our legal status here in Japan. First of all, the Japanese authorities have primary jurisdiction over military personel and dependents for incidents out on town. They waive that jurisdiction only for minor offenses. If you are suspected of commiting a crime you can stay in a Japanese jail for an investigation period of up to 23 days. That's 23 days without even getting charged. And her discription of Japanese jails included the words "they're not playing." Cable TV? Forgeddaboudit. Get a degree? Nope. Three hots and a cot at least? Well there's probably a cot around somewhere but if you want to eat decent meals your family should probably bring you food. Yeah. It's like a luxury suite in there.
The class went on from there, providing scads of useful information while simultaniously boring us almost to sleep. Not quite to sleep though, at the begining of the class they threatened that if we fell asleep they would make us stand for the rest of the day. Would you doubt them? I didn't think so.
Two bright spots in this gray sea of information. A Japanese woman who works at the housing office charmed us all with her pronunciation and her huge smile. We agreed we would all like to take her home to live with us. Later, a man from the Japanese fire department came to tell us all about fire safety. He read his statement, in English, from a piece of paper. Oddly enough, this did not make it boring. I think it was because of the simple joy with which he delivered jokes we did not expect to hear.
"I know it is almost lunch time and you are all getting to be hungry. I regret that I can not feed you. Instead I will show you a picture of a Bar BQ." I wish I could have recorded him for you to hear.
If this post was slightly more rambling and slightly less entertaining than usual, please allow me to say "Gomen Nasai", that's Japanese for "I'm sorry". It's been a long day.
I may have some fun tidbits for you tomorrow. The theme is something along the lines of Welcome to Japan, here's how not to look like an idiot - you know, culture, language, those sorts of things. Stay tuned.
I leave you today with a local saying filtered through our first speaker. "He who climbs Mt. Fuji once is a wise man. Twice, not so much."
Posts
